dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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