i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
