hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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