I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
