You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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