I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
