____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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