i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
