i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
