I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
