I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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