u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
