5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
