Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
