Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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