Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
