Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
