The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
