She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
