I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
