youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
