If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
