Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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