So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
