my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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