I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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