Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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