non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
