On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
