Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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