i think my mom watched the whole time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.