I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.