The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.