I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
