Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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