meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my vag is so smooth its legendary
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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