My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
