wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
