After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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