This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
