I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
