I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
