and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
