fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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