i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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