Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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