dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
