before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
