I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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