The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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