I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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