haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
