Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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