Umm I'm too high to move.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
