what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
bring money and cleavage
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
