My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
