Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
