i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
