need another drink. this is the easiest way
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she told me i tasted like america
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
