Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
