You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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