The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
