saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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