OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
