You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
