Can i not drive my cunt home
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
