I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
