I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have aggressive nipples.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
