Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
