Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news, I just burned my penis
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
