I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
