apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
