And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
