I just cut my nipple shaving
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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