How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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