So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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